this is the climb

and when i want to give up,

i think of where i want to be.

i visualize victory and joy and peace

and

take a breath.

i want to be better.

i want more than this.

so i continue to amad,

and stand firm and still.

i’m not giving up this time,

no, not until i see the finish line.

 

 

it begins.

It begins when the sun gets low,

And the clouds get dark,

And the night grows still.

It begins when the lights shut off,

And the people go home,

And the party comes to an end.

It begins when you arrive back home,

Crawl into bed,

But must put on a show to fall asleep.

It begins when you check your phone once,

Then twice,

Then roll over and see bright flickering lights from the TV.

It begins when you find your room empty.

Void of sound,

Void of shuffling paper,

Void of annoying siblings,

Void of grumbling parents irritated with your messy room.

That’s when it hits.

The thought that has been lining the back of your skull,

Lingering in places of memory and suppression,

Slowly crawls to clarity,

Horribly clarity.

You take it down like bitter, cherry medicine.

Side effects: nausea, pain, hallucinations, drowsiness.

Nausea: the churning of your stomach from all the drinks.

Pain: the internal chewing and spitting up of your bones.

Hallucinations: your mind is the devil’s playground.

Drowsiness: a tear rolls… go to sleep.

Sleep soundly,

Your head will be pounding in the morning.