“be patient with me” -Destiny

i have yet to unlock that part of me,

it’s wrapped up in cherry blossoms and

locks whose passwords belong to destiny

and divine timing.

my heart shutters with pride

when i feel the charms rattle within me

but i can never get hold of them.

i go digging for them at night,

when i am not anything but delusional and

determined to scoop the parts of me that

make this all matter.

i have to be patient,

i have to be still,

i have to realize that the sparks in my bones

have kept me running,

that is their only job for now.

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the devil’s nectar

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i like your lips,

don’t kiss my hips,

don’t get too comfortable.

i like the way,

you say my name,

but i know it’s a mouthful.

you’re not finding love,

you’re hooked on a rush,

don’t worry i feel the same.

we don’t need ties,

no lingering goodbyes,

but i like my men with the rain.

we both know what we need,

yet we silently bleed under the sheets,

can’t get enough of whatever this is.

you tell me how much you want me,

i tell you you’re the very air i breathe,

is this how we want to live?

it’s how i want to be in this moment,

you tell me i remind you of a lotus,

i crack a shallow smile.

if this isn’t love, it’s selfish

and i guess i don’t care if it’s hellish,

i’ll be in your arms for awhile.

you shower me with attention,

and oh did i mention?

it makes me levitate.

i don’t admit that i need you,

i know that can’t be true,

but maybe it is in this broken state…

Why?

Why

Do we teach our boys how to roar and our girls how to run from thunder?

Why

Do we tell our boys to “man up” and our girls to duck for cover?

Why

Do we let our girls cry in our arms until they’ve run dry and tell our boys to wipe their face?

Why

Do we pressure our boys to fight and tell our girls to go inside and play?

Why

Do we call our boys the protector and tell our girls they are the damsel in distress?

Why

Do we tell our girls that they’re not strong enough but tell our boys they must puff out their chest?

Why

Are our girls in need of saving when our boys are incapable of filling them up?

Why

Do we tell our boys to conceal their true emotions but let our girls blindly crave their love?

Tell me why.

Dusk Not Dawn

I rose to you like you were

My sun— savior and source.

When I kissed you,

I was licking my wounds

But breaking my heart.

My name in your mouth

Was a symphony of beauty

That left sirens blaring in my mind;

They never shut off.

I should have known to stop

When you peeled back my layers

And went digging for fossilized pain.

I should have known

To protect myself but I was busy protecting you from your demons,

Pleading for them to devour me instead.

I should have known that the

Fruits I harvested came from

The forbidden tree.

Yet, I took a bite.

But I wanted you

More than I wanted sanity,

I wanted you more than I

Wanted peace,

Because

Maybe I deserved

Broken love

From a broken boy,

Maybe that was supposed to be good enough.

I though I was well-fed

But I was starving for the things I felt too selfish to ask for.

I put you first

But you made me last.

i was compelled to miss you

you made me want to miss you today.

the words you said demanded me to

forgive you and wrap myself around your finger

once again

but,

i did not beckon to your call.

i did not even glance your way.

your words are thin air and

they do not fill me up anymore

and they never will.

i was compelled to miss you today

but i gripped my heart close to my chest

and walked away

head held high

grace swarming my every step.

you tried to turn me into a pillar of salt

but i’ve learned where my true treasures are

and they are not

in your arms.

Which Will I Choose Today?

I wake up this morning,

Conflict already warring,

Which side shall I choose today?

I want peace,

I want acceptance,

I want happiness,

I want his affection,

But which shall I chase today?

I can’t stay in the middle,

With this double mind,

I know I must choose where to draw the line,

Will I fall for this world or

Believe his word,

Tell me…

Which will I choose today?

I keep bleeding

I’m so tired

Of bleeding your name onto these pages,

Thick with ink.

You’ve left me on a cliff,

Hanging onto every word you say just in case you realize

You can’t possibly live without me.

But those words only come in drizzles,

Never satisfying the roots of my longing

And I am always left malnourished and sad.

It’s frustrating,

How I have no control over this pen once it remembers your name,

It’s like I lose myself when I remember you and

It’s a long tread back to earth.

was it real?

just tell me one thing

because i need to know:

was it ever real?

every beautiful word and lovely stare,

was it real?

every time you said you wanted me,

every time you pondered my existence,

every time you told me i was beautiful,

was it real?

when we kissed,

was it real?

or did you want what i didn’t even have for myself?

you wanted my gentleness,

my peace (what was left of it),

my kindness,

my heart that couldn’t say no to a broken spirit.

and in that case,

did you get it?

are you happy now?

was making me fall for you

worth it?


I don’t want to know the answers.