i wear you on my sleeve,
because you are all of my emotions
i’ve told you to leave,
but you just won’t listen.
but i wouldn’t want you to either,
you make me feel alive.
alive in a way that haunts me at night.
when i can’t sleep until i’ve thought of you at least a billion times.
truly, these feelings should not be crawling in my brain.
but they are.
i don’t understand how some people
do not feel as deeply as i.
every infliction, fluctuation, nervous touch upon my heart,
seeps into my being and is circulated throughout my veins.
this is not what pathetic looks like.
this is not what weak looks like.
this is what a burning heart looks like
and how lungs filled with crisp, piercing air inhale
and then exhale.
this is life.
i am so alive.
my feelings keep whining in my ear,
whispering things that i don’t wanna hear,
branding their curse onto my shoulders,
a heavy weight like a ton of boulders.
my heart wrenches forward in an attempt to escape the torment,
but the waging war won’t give my heart and mind a moment.
i’m bruised all over,
my skin was warm,
but it’s getting colder.
the voice of truth can get drained out by the rain,
i try to yell and thrash against my brain,
but the pain…
it has adopted my name.
she told me to “let it out,”
“it’s okay to cry,” she adds.
all these years, i held it in.
all of it.
a great big ocean swam inside my eyes,
churned and spun in my stomach,
mixing with ugly truth and resentment.
so i let it out.
and it was ugly at first.
my sobs took over my body,
it was beautiful.
now i understand why a rainbow paints the sky after a dreadful storm.
a smile crept up on me and the pain floated a w a y.
i always walk swiftly passed your
i can’t stand to be evaluated by those
darting between my face and my body, something tells me you’re not interested in my intellect.
you never speak,
you just watch and then continue with whatever had your attention before i walked swiftly by.
i remember your face,
if you are not suffocating,
you are afloat only by the constant churning of your belly.