uncertain 

i don’t know whether to trust myself

or trust the words coming out of your mouth

because at least you have this all figured out. 

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blame game

hanging on to a thread 

that i created,

lowering myself into the pits

that i lit the fire to.

it’s a game of how much damage

i can cause and how much blame 

i’ll take for it.

Paris is a dream 

take me to Paris

so i can butcher beautiful words and mimic foreign accents

and drink incredibly expensive coffee

and pretend i like tea at 3 in the afternoon.

i will walk around while simultaneously falling in love with the romance language subliminally spoken 

all around.

take me to Paris

so that i can take in the overwhelming scent of

freshly printed poems and bakery goods and cry because 

this city,

is truly,

alive.

the flood 

i think too much,

but apparently that’s what 

gives a writer the upper hand. 

who said i wanted the pen in the first place?

yet it’s been handed to me.

therefore, i will let my thoughts spill over in floods

and watch the words fall like honey from my mouth and prick like the thorny stem of a rose. 

umoving

i can’t see clearly right now,

my heads a blur that is not giving my heart any heads up,

and now my heart has fallen into a pit without warning. 

i am not myself,

more like a “stuck in time” version of me,

i am frozen in my fear,

unmoving.

there’s a bulldozer headed my way, they call it dangerous and destructive,

i’ve embraced the scare.

though i’m still scared. 

i don’t know

“my heart is beating fast,” a statement.

“why?” an impossible question.

i could try explaining.

first, i’ll say because i was nervous.

“wait, no,” i’ll hesitate and furrow my brows, looking for a more accurate word.

then,

i’ll correct myself, a moment of triumph as i slurp back the word hanging from the tip of my tongue.

but somehow, in the swirl of my mind,

i’ll feel as if i only gave you a glimpse into the depth of that emotion.

i wasn’t just a synonym for nervous,

i was also hesitant

and oddly excited

and overwhelmed

and… and,

and.

if i knew the words, i’d tell you.

so i’ll make it simple,

“my heart is beating fast,” a statement.

“why?” an impossible question.


“i don’t know,”

the most unsatisfying confession.