i wear you on my sleeves

i wear you on my sleeve, 

because you are all of my emotions

in one.

i’ve told you to leave,

but you just won’t listen.

but i wouldn’t want you to either,

you make me feel alive.

alive in a way that haunts me at night.

when i can’t sleep until i’ve thought of you at least a billion times.

truly, these feelings should not be crawling in my brain.

but they are.

happily under your spell 

you make me vulnerable,

i can’t even function like a normal human being when you’re around.

it’s out of my control,

my eyes draw circles around your lips and i have to look away because i forget how long i’ve been staring.

you make my mind mush

and that’s okay. 

red light (green light)

being still makes me feel safe.

as if movement is enough to freshly shatter the broken pieces that have been healing.

it is when i must move

left

right

left

right,

that i fear i will slip

and fall.

it’s the fall that hurts,

bruises,

and scars.

if i stay still,

maybe i’ll save myself from it all,

or maybe fear has just convinced me that the place that i am in is 

“safe and sound,”

but really,

i could be sitting on land waiting to crumble. 

i am so alive

i don’t understand how some people

do not feel as deeply as i.

every infliction, fluctuation, nervous touch upon my heart,

seeps into my being and is circulated throughout my veins.

this is not what pathetic looks like.

this is not what weak looks like.

this is what a burning heart looks like

and how lungs filled with crisp, piercing air inhale 

and then exhale.

this is life.

deep,

true,

horribly beautiful,

frightening and

raw life.

i am so alive.

Thoughts Don’t Rhyme

i hardly have a rhyme scheme

for my poetry

because i feel like it

pushes thoughts into superficial forms.

it may sound good to the reader,

but it’s no longer flesh from my bones.

it’s neatly put into a row or stacked into a pattern

but skeletons don’t put themselves together,

they fall into a random, scrambled, beautiful, mess.