it sounds selfish to me

is it selfish to

want things they can’t give to you?

it’s not that they lack anything.

they just don’t fill up your cup,

they don’t leave you full.

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you’re family

i hope you know

that i wait everyday for you to come around,

even when you swear you don’t need me or my outstretched arms.

i stay close by because i know one day,

the climb will be too tough for you and

you’ll need an extra hand.

i am grateful for the ache

to every ache that rattled my veins:

i should not have let you steal from me,

i should not have let you dig your hands into my soul.

but,

thank you for showing me that i am strong.

because of you,

i have learned how to fall on my knees and pray.

you meant to drown me,

but i was already drowning in Gods grace.

thank you,

pain.

hurt.

confusion.

sorrow.

thank you for pointing me to my savior.

i wait for Jesus 

i’ve been sinking on the low,

cradling my broken pieces in between bent arms,

trying to figure out what i’m going to do with them.

but i forgot that i didn’t have to figure it out alone,

because along with the puzzle, my heart was a riddle Einstein wouldn’t have the brains to solve.

i forgot who went before me,

followed behind me,

and in desperate times, carried me.

He knows my heart and has solved the riddle ages ago,

now we are both waiting:

i wait for him to show me what my eyes cannot see 

he waits for me to realize that he is all that i need. 

i wait for Jesus.

let me see Jesus. 

this is the climb

and when i want to give up,

i think of where i want to be.

i visualize victory and joy and peace

and

take a breath.

i want to be better.

i want more than this.

so i continue to amad,

and stand firm and still.

i’m not giving up this time,

no, not until i see the finish line.

 

 

Unbelievable

unbelievable

how much i have changed.

my covers are clean and sparkle

under the bright lights shining down on me.

and i smile when i go off to sleep

because i know in the morning who i will meet,

so i grab hold of life and air

and roll off the bed with effortless grace.

so much grace,

draped down on me but held light and tender on my shoulders.

what was dirty

and mucky

and horrible

and stunk,

is now white as snow.

white as snow.

nowhere to hide because daybreak is no longer a curtain

and there is no theater or seats or dreadful laughter.

night is light and no longer is there a struggle with

hands to my throat

and grave whispers in my ear.

it is unbelievable

how i have changed,

those voices have come to adore me.

 

 

My God

My God.

You have seen this flesh through.

When it consumed me,

When it bled alongside you on the cross,

In your arms, I was wrapped,

Tucked away until I was complete,

And plucked from the edge of

Death.

I almost plummeted but,

You gave me wings,

So now I soar and I’m whole,

And it’s just because of you,

My God.

Poem Inspired By Inaugaration Day: “In spite of it all;” 

Cries for help 

Are muffled by the hands 

Of those that 

Sit on the titling and vulnerable axis of the earth.

And they only

Bend down,

Arms outstretched in selfish ambition,

To collect the shiny, useless things they crave and devour.

Possessive;

Take what’s yours to take.

The people will suffer but,

Oh,

If you were to spend a day, week–

God forbid! A month…

In their bottomless, worn out shoes,

You would crumble.

Because you are made of straw.

The dirt of this earth, the essence of essential and the basis of our foundation,

Stack them all real high,

Apply some pressure,

And you get steel and brick,

Strong enough to weigh down that paper house of yours.

Shut them up,

But listen closely

To the chains snapping and falling, quite surely,

To the ground.

In spite of it all; watch them fall.