“be patient with me” -Destiny

i have yet to unlock that part of me,

it’s wrapped up in cherry blossoms and

locks whose passwords belong to destiny

and divine timing.

my heart shutters with pride

when i feel the charms rattle within me

but i can never get hold of them.

i go digging for them at night,

when i am not anything but delusional and

determined to scoop the parts of me that

make this all matter.

i have to be patient,

i have to be still,

i have to realize that the sparks in my bones

have kept me running,

that is their only job for now.

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Why?

Why

Do we teach our boys how to roar and our girls how to run from thunder?

Why

Do we tell our boys to “man up” and our girls to duck for cover?

Why

Do we let our girls cry in our arms until they’ve run dry and tell our boys to wipe their face?

Why

Do we pressure our boys to fight and tell our girls to go inside and play?

Why

Do we call our boys the protector and tell our girls they are the damsel in distress?

Why

Do we tell our girls that they’re not strong enough but tell our boys they must puff out their chest?

Why

Are our girls in need of saving when our boys are incapable of filling them up?

Why

Do we tell our boys to conceal their true emotions but let our girls blindly crave their love?

Tell me why.

Which Will I Choose Today?

I wake up this morning,

Conflict already warring,

Which side shall I choose today?

I want peace,

I want acceptance,

I want happiness,

I want his affection,

But which shall I chase today?

I can’t stay in the middle,

With this double mind,

I know I must choose where to draw the line,

Will I fall for this world or

Believe his word,

Tell me…

Which will I choose today?

a daily battle

i want to know who i am

in Christ

and

i no longer want to listen to the opinions of the

one who wants to kill, steal, and destroy

everything i have.

he tells me that i should

go back,

go back,

go back.

everyday, i scream or whisper

no,

no,

no.

it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do

but i have never been so proud of myself.

i am grateful for the ache

to every ache that rattled my veins:

i should not have let you steal from me,

i should not have let you dig your hands into my soul.

but,

thank you for showing me that i am strong.

because of you,

i have learned how to fall on my knees and pray.

you meant to drown me,

but i was already drowning in Gods grace.

thank you,

pain.

hurt.

confusion.

sorrow.

thank you for pointing me to my savior.

i wait for Jesus 

i’ve been sinking on the low,

cradling my broken pieces in between bent arms,

trying to figure out what i’m going to do with them.

but i forgot that i didn’t have to figure it out alone,

because along with the puzzle, my heart was a riddle Einstein wouldn’t have the brains to solve.

i forgot who went before me,

followed behind me,

and in desperate times, carried me.

He knows my heart and has solved the riddle ages ago,

now we are both waiting:

i wait for him to show me what my eyes cannot see 

he waits for me to realize that he is all that i need. 

i wait for Jesus.

let me see Jesus.