family tree// you just be

family tree

bark resembling something like

a strip tease

peel it back

and reveal the

bad memories

leaving you to drown with your enemies,

you can’t see,

love drowning out your ability

to keep yourself afloat,

better not rock that boat,

you’ll hit rock bottom

suffocating on second-hand smoke,

thought you could save them all,

you’re caught in deaths choke hold

eyes set like flint

grasping at your beloved fools gold.

growing out of optimism

like the suns gone too cold,

like you’ve grown too old,

don’t you know hearts fold, too?

like even if the sky is blue

don’t mean your minds afresh and new,

don’t mean today is better than yesterday,

but don’t think this faith stuff is a ruse,

it’s all true

my dear.

my dear,

the fear that held your lungs in chains,

making sure you stayed afraid

of the dark that consumed your brain,

can no longer retrieve your name.

the roots of your past

have broken your glass

ceiling

breaching

systems that were meant to disrupt your healing

and rob your peace

but don’t shake,

don’t fall into pieces

because all you needed was Jesus,

all you still need is Jesus.

don’t fret

don’t hurt

don’t twist

don’t turn

take a breath as you take a knee.

keep still

it’ll burn us

he’s there

in the furnace

send a prayer up as you fall asleep.

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“be patient with me” -Destiny

i have yet to unlock that part of me,

it’s wrapped up in cherry blossoms and

locks whose passwords belong to destiny

and divine timing.

my heart shutters with pride

when i feel the charms rattle within me

but i can never get hold of them.

i go digging for them at night,

when i am not anything but delusional and

determined to scoop the parts of me that

make this all matter.

i have to be patient,

i have to be still,

i have to realize that the sparks in my bones

have kept me running,

that is their only job for now.

Why?

Why

Do we teach our boys how to roar and our girls how to run from thunder?

Why

Do we tell our boys to “man up” and our girls to duck for cover?

Why

Do we let our girls cry in our arms until they’ve run dry and tell our boys to wipe their face?

Why

Do we pressure our boys to fight and tell our girls to go inside and play?

Why

Do we call our boys the protector and tell our girls they are the damsel in distress?

Why

Do we tell our girls that they’re not strong enough but tell our boys they must puff out their chest?

Why

Are our girls in need of saving when our boys are incapable of filling them up?

Why

Do we tell our boys to conceal their true emotions but let our girls blindly crave their love?

Tell me why.

Which Will I Choose Today?

I wake up this morning,

Conflict already warring,

Which side shall I choose today?

I want peace,

I want acceptance,

I want happiness,

I want his affection,

But which shall I chase today?

I can’t stay in the middle,

With this double mind,

I know I must choose where to draw the line,

Will I fall for this world or

Believe his word,

Tell me…

Which will I choose today?

a daily battle

i want to know who i am

in Christ

and

i no longer want to listen to the opinions of the

one who wants to kill, steal, and destroy

everything i have.

he tells me that i should

go back,

go back,

go back.

everyday, i scream or whisper

no,

no,

no.

it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do

but i have never been so proud of myself.

i am grateful for the ache

to every ache that rattled my veins:

i should not have let you steal from me,

i should not have let you dig your hands into my soul.

but,

thank you for showing me that i am strong.

because of you,

i have learned how to fall on my knees and pray.

you meant to drown me,

but i was already drowning in Gods grace.

thank you,

pain.

hurt.

confusion.

sorrow.

thank you for pointing me to my savior.