lovely lies

it was my fault

for ever believing your

lies.

but man,

were they beautiful.

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i discovered

i wasn’t sculpted

nor molded for you.

i tried to contort myself into

the shape of your laugh

and love

and beauty but i found myself

unable to reach for it all.

it was not your fault

nor was it mine.

i catch myself thinking of a million ways it all could of worked out,

if only i could–

if only i was–

but i could not and

i was not

and that’s okay.

the heart wants what it wants // good or bad

when you shouldn’t want them

that’s when you realize how

the brain and heart work.

you can count on your brain to

rationalize and count on your heart to

make the moves,

good or bad.

but, please beware.

if you move too recklessly, you’ll give yourself a headache and a heartbreak.

a mix of rain and tears

i didn’t know it would hurt so much.

a lot of my hurt came from knowing i was hurting him.

i wrapped him in my arms and sobbed in his chest

but his cries were the only ones i heard.

it was ironic that it was raining,

i felt like the real floodgates were

the words being softly exchanged between the two of us.

he knew

one finger

then another

then one more.

i counted the number of fingers it took for him to close his fist,

for him to take his hand from mine.

i felt his grip loosen once my words left my tongue and entered his blood stream,

they tasted bitter,

i no longer felt sweet,

he let go.

my heart broke a little bit

when i realized

he knew.

he knew.

it was really over.

you are who i want//always be mine

you are who i want.

no one else.

the totality of your being lives deep inside of mine

and there is nothing you or i could do to shake each other off.

i melt at your kiss

and my lips part to welcome the familiar warmth,

your body wraps around mine like it’s lived there all its life

yet we’re so different and separate

that at times i ache to know what you are thinking about.

let me know every pain or joy you’ve ever experienced,

let me feel the weight of your world on my shoulders and help you lift it above our heads.

let me be your person

and please

always be mine.