red light (green light)

being still makes me feel safe.

as if movement is enough to freshly shatter the broken pieces that have been healing.

it is when i must move

left

right

left

right,

that i fear i will slip

and fall.

it’s the fall that hurts,

bruises,

and scars.

if i stay still,

maybe i’ll save myself from it all,

or maybe fear has just convinced me that the place that i am in is 

“safe and sound,”

but really,

i could be sitting on land waiting to crumble. 

i am so alive

i don’t understand how some people

do not feel as deeply as i.

every infliction, fluctuation, nervous touch upon my heart,

seeps into my being and is circulated throughout my veins.

this is not what pathetic looks like.

this is not what weak looks like.

this is what a burning heart looks like

and how lungs filled with crisp, piercing air inhale 

and then exhale.

this is life.

deep,

true,

horribly beautiful,

frightening and

raw life.

i am so alive.

creature of chaos.

has confusion ever consumed you?

creating cracks within the creases of your intellect.

has it catered to your doubt?

has it caused conflict within your most sacred convictions?

i concur,

it is a creature of chaos like no other.

#nottodaysatan

my feelings keep whining in my ear,

whispering things that i don’t wanna hear,

branding their curse onto my shoulders,

a heavy weight like a ton of boulders.

my heart wrenches forward in an attempt to escape the torment,

but the waging war won’t give my heart and mind a moment.

continuous beatings,

i’m bruised all over,

my skin was warm,

but it’s getting colder.

the voice of truth can get drained out by the rain,

i try to yell and thrash against my brain,

but the pain…

it has adopted my name.