uncertain 

i don’t know whether to trust myself

or trust the words coming out of your mouth

because at least you have this all figured out. 

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blame game

hanging on to a thread 

that i created,

lowering myself into the pits

that i lit the fire to.

it’s a game of how much damage

i can cause and how much blame 

i’ll take for it.

umoving

i can’t see clearly right now,

my heads a blur that is not giving my heart any heads up,

and now my heart has fallen into a pit without warning. 

i am not myself,

more like a “stuck in time” version of me,

i am frozen in my fear,

unmoving.

there’s a bulldozer headed my way, they call it dangerous and destructive,

i’ve embraced the scare.

though i’m still scared. 

it’s time to heal.

i need to stop reading

some of my poetry because

what people don’t understand is that the words

typed or written on those pieces of paper

have the power to transport you

back to those moments that you just

want to forget about

or heal from.