i wear you on my sleeve,
because you are all of my emotions
i’ve told you to leave,
but you just won’t listen.
but i wouldn’t want you to either,
you make me feel alive.
alive in a way that haunts me at night.
when i can’t sleep until i’ve thought of you at least a billion times.
truly, these feelings should not be crawling in my brain.
but they are.
sometimes i find myself wishing
my coffee was alcohol.
a bit restless, a bit reckless.
don’t push me too far,
might jump just for fun.
you might be afraid,
but i will be free.
diving into unconquered space,
oh, i’m on my tippy toes, just say the word.
she told me to “let it out,”
“it’s okay to cry,” she adds.
all these years, i held it in.
all of it.
a great big ocean swam inside my eyes,
churned and spun in my stomach,
mixing with ugly truth and resentment.
so i let it out.
and it was ugly at first.
my sobs took over my body,
it was beautiful.
now i understand why a rainbow paints the sky after a dreadful storm.
a smile crept up on me and the pain floated a w a y.
if you are not suffocating,
you are afloat only by the constant churning of your belly.
let me go.
don’t let me go all the way.
I promise it wasn’t in my head.
I saw him.
Even if it was just for a second
Before his frame was wiped away by fairy dust,
were before me.