happily under your spell 

you make me vulnerable,

i can’t even function like a normal human being when you’re around.

it’s out of my control,

my eyes draw circles around your lips and i have to look away because i forget how long i’ve been staring.

you make my mind mush

and that’s okay. 

this is the climb

and when i want to give up,

i think of where i want to be.

i visualize victory and joy and peace

and

take a breath.

i want to be better.

i want more than this.

so i continue to amad,

and stand firm and still.

i’m not giving up this time,

no, not until i see the finish line.

 

 

red light (green light)

being still makes me feel safe.

as if movement is enough to freshly shatter the broken pieces that have been healing.

it is when i must move

left

right

left

right,

that i fear i will slip

and fall.

it’s the fall that hurts,

bruises,

and scars.

if i stay still,

maybe i’ll save myself from it all,

or maybe fear has just convinced me that the place that i am in is 

“safe and sound,”

but really,

i could be sitting on land waiting to crumble.