#nottodaysatan

my feelings keep whining in my ear,

whispering things that i don’t wanna hear,

branding their curse onto my shoulders,

a heavy weight like a ton of boulders.

my heart wrenches forward in an attempt to escape the torment,

but the waging war won’t give my heart and mind a moment.

continuous beatings,

i’m bruised all over,

my skin was warm,

but it’s getting colder.

the voice of truth can get drained out by the rain,

i try to yell and thrash against my brain,

but the pain…

it has adopted my name.

it begins.

It begins when the sun gets low,

And the clouds get dark,

And the night grows still.

It begins when the lights shut off,

And the people go home,

And the party comes to an end.

It begins when you arrive back home,

Crawl into bed,

But must put on a show to fall asleep.

It begins when you check your phone once,

Then twice,

Then roll over and see bright flickering lights from the TV.

It begins when you find your room empty.

Void of sound,

Void of shuffling paper,

Void of annoying siblings,

Void of grumbling parents irritated with your messy room.

That’s when it hits.

The thought that has been lining the back of your skull,

Lingering in places of memory and suppression,

Slowly crawls to clarity,

Horribly clarity.

You take it down like bitter, cherry medicine.

Side effects: nausea, pain, hallucinations, drowsiness.

Nausea: the churning of your stomach from all the drinks.

Pain: the internal chewing and spitting up of your bones.

Hallucinations: your mind is the devil’s playground.

Drowsiness: a tear rolls… go to sleep.

Sleep soundly,

Your head will be pounding in the morning.

tippy toes 

a bit restless, a bit reckless.

don’t push me too far,

might jump just for fun.

you might be afraid,

but i will be free.

totally unrestricted,

diving into unconquered space,

away,

away.

oh, i’m on my tippy toes, just say the word.